Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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