she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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