Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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