I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
