I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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