how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
