never play flip cup with pint glasses
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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