My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
