Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
