I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
