Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
