all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
