im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
