She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
