he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
