i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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