And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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