I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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