Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
