im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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