Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
