dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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