ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Less talking, more tequila
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
