if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
