dude i'm inner monologue high
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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