I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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