R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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