what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
