You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
