I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
