Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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