Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm gonna fight the coyote
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
