I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
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