people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
