We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
