bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Drake has all the answers
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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