Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
