The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
