Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
