do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
