omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
