is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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