There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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