Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
