she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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