I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i came on her dog
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
