I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
