this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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