As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I need water and some morals
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
