aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
