Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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