Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
