"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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