BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
