Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
